Boundaries

 

This week I learned a lot of different things through the books I read, videos watched and articles I read.  The thing that stuck out to me most was about boundaries.

The most important things in my life are my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my family!  These people will always come first above and beyond what I do in my life.  That being said I am fully aware of my weaknesses and how I can easily get sucked into things that I think are "good".   In order to avoid this I must set boundaries that I am not willing to cross.  A boundary that I set long ago is I will not work on Sunday!  That is non-negotiable! That is my time for worshiping God and spending time with my family.  The computer gets turned off and we have an enjoyable day together.

Other boundaries I know I need to create.  This week was a really rough week.  I generally do my virtual assistant work first thing in the morning or in the evening.  I have never helped my client with blog posts before.  This week she invaded my time.  I do mean invaded.  She didn't ask permission.  When I told her I had to do homework that was due that night she would get on Skype and ask if I was working yet.  I do not blame her.  She is not at fault here.  I was the one that continued to help her and respond.  I am the one who didn't say I am available from 9am-11am and that is all I can give you today.  I have learned from that.  Since I didn't put boundaries up she did this three days in a row.  I have to make my boundaries very visible to her and all my clients so that they know what to expect of me.  I am more than happy to help but I have children, a husband and school to work around as well and if I don't keep to a tight schedule I will get behind.

The one other thing that really stood out to me from the video Loyalty to God & Family by Jan Newman.  He stated "Don't ever be to busy to take a calling in the church."  He went on to say that if you are to busy then you are showing the Lord where your Loyalties lie.  You must be loyal to your family and God.  That is the bottom line. 

In my life I feel like I am being tried and tested to see how much responsibility I can handle.  I just hope I choose the better part!

My Hero's Journey

In class this week we watched a video of a talk given by Jeff Sandefer at Brigham Young University Idaho.  It was so packed full of great advice I had to write fast!  He stated that at the end of your life the only thing that will really matter is four things:

1. Did I contribute something meaningful?
2. Was I a good Person?
3. Who did I love?
4. Who loved me?

Here are a couple things I wrote about each one.  In order to contribute something meaningful you need to do something you enjoy.  Think of the last time you lost track of time?  When I was praying about what to do when I finished my prerequisites for nursing school, I had a conversation with my husband and I said this: "I think nursing is going to turn out to be like a job for me.  One that I am not excited to go to everyday.  On the other hand when I do genealogy I get lost.  I lose track of my whole day because I love it!"  Of course my husband said "Well I think you know your answer." 

Jeff Sandefer also mentioned that we should ask 5 people that know me well, what I do best.  So far I have asked only my husband and oldest son.  I sent a message to my family on Facebook to see what their replies would be.  My husband said I am good at making good use of my time. I don't have much of a choice on that one.  Since I have five kids, babysit  another one during the week, have two businesses, am going to school full-time and I have a daughter that is taking classes from an online charter school, I don't have an option but to use my time well!  My son said I am good at being a mom!  What a good boy!  I told him I don't think I am good at being a mom.  He asked why and I said "I don't meet my expectations for what a mom should be." At least he thinks I am good at it!  He also said I am good at getting him and his siblings to do things around the house.  I said "So in other words I am a good yeller?"  He said "yeah..." with a smile.  My husband said I am a good motivator! :)  One of my sisters responded and said I am good at delegating.  I have to agree with that one!

One more thing Jeff Sandefer said on that subject was when you find what you love to do it also has to satisfy a burning need in the world.  A calling must serve others.  That is a lot of what I have been thinking about lately!

Number two is about being a good person.  He said to write down a list of "Will Not's", which are boundaries that you are not willing to cross.  He said we will have moments when we will be about to cross those boundaries.  This list will help us evaluate what our priorities are!  He shared a joke. This is a joke that a friend told him.  This friend reads this joke when he is wanting to cross a boundary that has been set. "What is the difference between you and God?  God never thought he was you."  That puts things into perspective.  It is kind of like the old saying "your getting to big for your britches! We have to remember who we are.  We are children of God and he knows what is best for us.

The third and fourth thing he mentioned was who did you love and who loved you?  He said it is not all about YOUR happiness!  It is about others.  Another thing he said that made me sit back and think was, "Using your gifts to change the world

changes you!"  You can't help but be changed when you see others grow or have their needs met because of you!  I firmly believe that if you consistently pray for someone (with your heart) and serve them, that Heavenly Father will bless you with a love for them.
He also mentioned how you must surround yourself with people of character because you become who you surround yourself with!

What a blessing that talk was to me.  This is about the journey and I want to be the Hero!  I love that I can choose what and who I want to be by setting boundaries, serving others, loving them and loving what I do.  I hope I can always follow the inspiration that  Heavenly Father has given me in order to make the lives around me better and in the end answer all the questions well!

How do You Measure Your Life?

This week was about how you measure your life.  That is a really interesting question.  When it comes down to how I will measure my life, I think about my family.  My family comes first.  I am a mother of five children.  I want my children to gain testimonies of the Jesus Christ and live worthy to return to Heavenly Father again someday.  I want my children to feel loved by me.  I understand that each of us feel love in different ways and so it is important that I, as their mother discover how each of my children feel love and give love to them in that manner.  I also want my children to feel of worth. That they are a child of God.

I really appreciated Clay Christensen standing up and saying that it God will as us at the end of our lives how we affected people’s lives.  I think that is true.  We must love and serve others in whatever capacity we are placed in.  If we don’t feel that love we need to pray so we do feel it! 

I also needed to hear the talk that Elder Wirthlin gave.  There is a quote that states “The days are long, but the years are short.” I am not sure who said it, but it is true.  Each day we feel like we have all the time in the world to get things done. Before we know it years have gone by.  This is very true as a parent.  Sometimes the days drag on when you are changing diapers, cleaning the house, helping with homework and trying to get the kids to do their homework.  Yet when you look up your oldest is 12 and entering junior high and before I know it he will be going on a mission.  Take advantage of the minutes you have.

At our house right now my kinds are on fall break.  It is a short break that the kids in Utah have in October.  My schedule has been crazy lately with taking 12 credits in school, having a virtual assistant client, orders for my hand printing business, helping my daughter who is now being home schooled and life as a mom of five kids.  I have some pretty demanding classes right now.  Our family was planning a trip to California during fall break.  I was supposed to get 2 weeks’ worth of school work done in order to go with them.  After a few episodes of tears I realized that it just wasn’t going to happen.  Right now I have to make each minute count.  I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass but it is still difficult to work through.  As I read Elder Wirthlin’s talk I realized I have been managing my minutes and not managing myself with the time I have.  I really need to use each moment to it’s fullest.

This week my 10 year old daughter and I were talking about her school work.  She is attending a charter school online.  We just started this a few weeks ago and she has not been doing well.  What I am finding is that she gets distracted easily.  She doesn’t remember what she has learned when she takes her assessments at the end of the lesson.  I shared with her the importance of living in the present.  When she is studying English her mind needs to be on English.  When she is eating lunch she should be focused on lunch.  I encouraged her to create a schedule of when she would learn each subject and use the allotted time for only that subject.  The next day when she was reviewing everything with her dad, she did great!  When she did the assessments she got 100%.  After having that talk with her I realized I need to take my own advice.  When I am feeding my baby I need to be present for her.  When I am working on my client’s website I need to be present for her.  This is really hard since I am a serious multitasker!  

This is something I really need to work on.  I need to my priorities in place and be present in the tasks I am completing!

Spiritual Truths

I have learn some spiritual truths this week, as I have studied.  I think taking a Book of Mormon class at the same time as this one has help with this. 

Here are a few things that I have learned:

1. I must be careful of pride!  President Benson stated "Some prideful people are not concerned as to whether their wages meet their need as they are that their wages are more than someon else's.  Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is emnity of pride."  I think this goes back to what I have really learned recently.  To serve your market.  If the focus is to serve the Lord and to serve your fellow beings (target market) this will not come into play.  We will have to pay attention to the competition but not be so concerned about making more money then they do!

2. We do not need to just survive.  Bro. Robbins stated "Working in this world to make a living was part of the Lords plan for His children, not to just survive but to see how we would get along with others in making that living--to see if we would be honest in our dealings with our fellowmen."  This quote is about being honest but when I first read it I heard something different.  The Lord doesn't want us to just survive in the world.  In many ways I have been just surviving because I have not been willing to take risks.  I have a had a hobby business for almost five years now.  It is not fun but it provides some extra income.  I now have a good size client base.  The problem is that it takes up to much of my time and it is not taking me where I want to be.  I have another business where I can get paid $20-$50/hour and I would rather develop that as a temporary business that brings in money.  My ultimate business will take a little time to develop and the temporary business with pay the bills for now.  After reading that quote I realized I need to have more faith and keeping this business is doing more harm then good.  I now know I need to let it go!

3. With God NOTHING is impossible! Sister Dew reminded me "Repeatedly he [Nephi] was true to the Lord's commands, even when they seemed implausible. Retrieve the brass plates from Laban? Hunt food with a broken bow? Build a ship without tools or experience? Yet repeatedly, the “I-will-go-and-do Nephi” went and did (See 1 Nephi 3:7). His response when his brothers called him a “fool” for attempting to build a ship was classic Nephi: “If the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship” (1 Nephi 17: 51). And build a ship he did, because he knew the Lord would help him. So believe the Lord will help you, and then diligently seek after His help."  I can do anything with the Lords help if it is the Lords will!  Nephi once again is the best example to me!  I have learned a lot from Nephi in the last few weeks.  Also in the videos this week it talks about taking risks.  I think risks can be good because you can do things that seem impossible like building a ship when you don't have tools or have never built a ship before!

4. True happiness comes only when you are living up to who you are.  This is also a statement from Sister Dew.  I believe this.  I know this to be true.  I have tried to live up to someones ideal for me and have not been happy.  I have learned I am not a good stay-at-home mom.  I love being a mom and I love staying at home but I don't love only doing these things.  I love to be here at home with my children and being here to see there growth.  I need more for myself though and I know the Lord expects more of me.  That is who I am.  It many not be who my neighbor is and that is okay.  As long as I am living up to who I am the Lord will bless me!

I could probably go on an on about little things I learned but I better not!  The more I study this semester the more I am find confidence in myself and realizing I can be a success in business.  My dreams are expanding.  I am realizing I can help others by my work and my success.  Today I was going to pick up my kids from school and I saw a trailer with a picture of a child, advertising the Make a Wish Foundation.  I imagined being able to Make a Wish for one child.  That got me excited. That makes me really want to be successful so I can serve others!